About Us

The Schmear: A Mission Schtatement 

“Jerry, it’s our sense of humor that sustained us as a people for three thousand years.”

“Five thousand.”

“Five thousand, even better.” 

Seinfeld 8:19 – The Yada Yada

To say that a sense of humor sustained the Jewish people throughout thousands of years of exile is a gross oversimplification. Certainly our devotion to community, philosophy, and tradition must shoulder some of the blame, and we have no doubt that those three tenets of our culture harbor some resentment towards humor for stealing the spotlight. It is, however, an unavoidable aspect of our people – to discuss Judaism without mentioning humor is to eat a bagel with no schmear. 

In generations past, the Jewish people would build new communities in their host countries based around a few institutions crucial for Jewish life: synagogues, ritual baths, kosher butchers, campus Hillels, pizza parlors that also serve Mexican food, and orthodontists. Today, however, Jewish communities lean heavily on technology like the Rabbi of Lechovitch leaned on his walking-cane – it’s rare to find a city suburb that hasn’t formed a Facebook group just so the six Jews that live there can give away used mattresses and organize Shiva calls. The modernization of our people is not only inevitable, it’s welcome! Just think – how many of our ancestors dreamed of Jewish people across the world reconnecting one day?

That’s where we come in! 

The Schmear is a satirical news source dedicated to bringing the best funniest news to Jewish communities around the world, with a mission to unite us on the one thing we can all agree on: there is simply no point in taking life too seriously. So many of the Jewish people who have influenced society on a large scale (not counting bankers, politicians, and the guys who handle controlling the weather) have done it through humor: Kafka, Freud, Marx, Marx, Marx, Marx, Sandler, Samberg, Stewart, Brooks, Fairbanks, Lehrer, Larry, Curly, Moe, most of the Dick Van Dyke Show, most of Caesar’s Hour, most of the people born in the United States in the 1960s, Seinfeld (obviously), LaBeouf (unfortunately), and Ford (not that one) – the list, of course, goes on. 

We’ve always gravitated towards comedy, because when you’re stuck in the desert for forty years, pillaged by Romans, and scattered to the four corners of the earth, what the hell else are you going to do? Take up knitting? Good luck keeping that interesting for five thousand years. It was a choice between comedy and alcoholism, so we perfected both. 

It’s a privilege to contribute to our people’s history, and we really hope you laugh at our stuff. 

Sincerely, 

The Schmear Editorial Board