1) Isaac
The whole sacrifice thing? Definitely just a publicity stunt set up by Abraham to launch Isaac into the public eye. Plus, who names their kid “laughter”? That’s some North West shit right there.
2) Jacob
Getting the birthright over his outcast brother? Please, where do you think Harry and Meghan got the idea from? Isaac was practically begging for Jacob to get a reality TV show. Call it ‘Jake plus 12,’ coming to TLC this fall.
3) Joseph
A fashion icon with that multicolored coat. Jacob was basically setting him up for his own designer brand. And let’s be real, there’s no way Joseph would’ve gotten that role as Pharaoh’s right-hand man if he was just some average guy.
4) King Solomon
The child of the biggest sex scandal to hit the Israelites since Leah switched places with Rachel, of course, Solomon was set up for success by his father David. That mild-mannered poet would’ve never gotten the throne if not for his father’s fame.
5) Jesus
I mean, he was the son of God.
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