Rabbi Akiva’s 24,000 Students Didn’t Die So Jesus Could Take Credit For “Love Thy Neighbor As Thyself”

The famous Rabbi Akiva, known mainly for staring at water dripping on a rock, had one core principle that he discovered through a lifetime of Torah study and dedication to God: “Love thy neighbor as thyself.” But then some guy comes along, makes fish, passes the idea off as his own, and all of aContinue reading “Rabbi Akiva’s 24,000 Students Didn’t Die So Jesus Could Take Credit For “Love Thy Neighbor As Thyself””

Not Again: Teaneck Mom Swears This The Year She Makes Aliyah

TEANECK, NJ — Wiping away tears after an hour of watching the Kotel live stream, Chana Berman, active member of the Frisch PTA, swore that this would be the year she finally moves to Israel.  “Sure I said the same thing last year too, but then Jared needed oral surgery and I really wanted toContinue reading “Not Again: Teaneck Mom Swears This The Year She Makes Aliyah”

Breaking: New Evidence Suggests Matzah Invented By Ancient Jews Who Didn’t Want To Poop In Desert

THE DESERT — On an archaeological excavation last Thursday, noted biblical and Jewish day school teacher, Dr. Albain Halfstead, reportedly discovered a papyrus scroll that explained the historical context behind the invention of matzah.  “Those of us familiar with the Old Testament will know the story of the Jews leaving Egypt in such haste thatContinue reading “Breaking: New Evidence Suggests Matzah Invented By Ancient Jews Who Didn’t Want To Poop In Desert”

Seder Ruined By Know-It-All Teen In Atheist Phase

BUFFALO, NY — During the Magid section of the Passover Seder, the Schaufmans read through the story of the Jews’ salvation from their oppression at the hands of the Egyptians – but 15-year-old member of the family, Hillel, had a few objections.  “God came down with a strong hand and outstretched arm and liberated theContinue reading “Seder Ruined By Know-It-All Teen In Atheist Phase”

Just Because The Jews Suffered In Egypt Shouldn’t Mean I Have To Suffer Through Your Shitty Passover Dessert

We’re amid the gluten-free revolution, people. I’m not just talking about cauliflower crust— there are completely gluten-free pizza restaurants out there with Michelin stars—so why is it that the Jews still don’t know how to bake a single decent Passover dessert?  I mean, how hard can it be? Swap in some almond flour in yourContinue reading “Just Because The Jews Suffered In Egypt Shouldn’t Mean I Have To Suffer Through Your Shitty Passover Dessert”