Top 5 Israeli Foods We Hope Never Make It To America

1. Pizza Spice  Perhaps the issue really lies in the quality of Israeli pizza, but the spice just makes it worse. It tastes like sucking on ten pizza pringles at once, which became less fun after the incident at my 10th birthday party.  2. Israeli Grape Juice  It’s just grapes and sugar, how could theyContinue reading “Top 5 Israeli Foods We Hope Never Make It To America”

5 Purim Costumes For When Vashti Just Isn’t Slutty Enough

Purim is a time to get dressed up in your favorite costume and drink as much as you can without landing your drunk ass in the hospital. Since it’s basically a second Halloween, you might as well show a lil titty. Here are some slutty costumes to wear this year if Vashti just isn’t cuttingContinue reading “5 Purim Costumes For When Vashti Just Isn’t Slutty Enough”

Top 5 Jewish Moms You Didn’t Know Eat Out Dairy

1. Rachel Zilbinger  Don’t let the sheitel fool you! Despite being an active member of the local Orthodox community, Rachel was reportedly seen enjoying fettuccine Alfredo and sipping from a glass of wine at Olive Garden last week after a particularly stressful PTA meeting. While we certainly can’t blame her for wanting to take theContinue reading “Top 5 Jewish Moms You Didn’t Know Eat Out Dairy”

5 Famous Antisemites Who Were Probably Just Jealous

1. Pharaoh One of the earliest and most well-known antisemites, everyone knows Pharaoh was just envious of the Jews’ growth rate and threatened by their work ethic. Sorry, but that doesn’t really justify throwing babies in the Nile. Try seeing a therapist or journaling next time. 2. Henry Ford Most well known for distributing TheContinue reading “5 Famous Antisemites Who Were Probably Just Jealous”

5 Straight-Up Worthless Skills My Day School Education Taught Me

How to read Rashi script Let’s be real: I still don’t know the difference between some of those letters. Rashi script is the cursive of Hebrew, you spend years learning the font only to never use it again. Rashi didn’t even use the script so why should I? How to cheer during Color War  SureContinue reading “5 Straight-Up Worthless Skills My Day School Education Taught Me”

Ego Check: 8 Wars The Jews Didn’t Win

Hanukkah is all about celebrating the Jews beating the Greeks, the underdog rising up against the powerful enemy, light conquering darkness. Jews around the world gather and light candles in their windows for all the neighbors to see because we have allowed ourselves the disillusion that we can trust our goyishe neighbors not to turnContinue reading “Ego Check: 8 Wars The Jews Didn’t Win”

Top 10 Nights of Hanukkah

Yup, it’s that time of year again, that period of several days characterized by consuming obscene amounts of jelly doughnuts and pretending to appreciate the fuzzy socks your aunt gave you — it’s Hanukkah. So, in commemoration of this special holiday, let’s take a look at the top 10 nights of the Festival of Lights.Continue reading “Top 10 Nights of Hanukkah”

5 Tips To Bagel Your Professor

The art of bageling is a delicate and sensitive dance – a skill that helps us bond with fellow Jews even while hiding it from outsiders. For example, calling your mom “ima” aloud when you’re otherwise craftily hiding your identity by having a normal nose or not wearing your Jewish Star necklace. Here are someContinue reading “5 Tips To Bagel Your Professor”

6 Activities To Try If Someone Says Being Jewish Can’t Be Your Whole Personality 

1. Fly-fishing Nothing says “my Jewish friends wouldn’t understand this” like intentionally standing in cold water, staying quiet for hours, catching something you can’t even eat, and wearing an outfit that makes it hard to use the bathroom. 2. Lacrosse Ever seen a Jew play lacrosse? Exactly. 3. Paint and Sip Class Sipping wine? Jewish!Continue reading “6 Activities To Try If Someone Says Being Jewish Can’t Be Your Whole Personality “