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Author Archives: The Schmear

Gym Bro Can’t Understand How Haredim Bench Three Times A Day

Posted byThe SchmearJune 5, 2023June 5, 2023Posted inNewsTags:bench, birkat hamazon, bro, exercise, gym, meal, netilat yadayim, washing, work out

Girl Unable To Find NJB Settles For Circumcised Mormon

Posted byThe SchmearJune 1, 2023June 1, 2023Posted inNewsTags:circumcision, marriage, mormon, njb, njg, religion, wedding

Non-Jewish Plumber Psyched Business Really Picking Up This Weekend For Some Reason

Posted byThe SchmearMay 28, 2023May 28, 2023Posted inNewsTags:chag, cheesecake, dairy, holiday, ibs, plumber, shavuot

Leaked: Marvel Developing Bamba Baby Disney+ Miniseries 

Posted byThe SchmearMay 16, 2023May 16, 2023Posted inNewsTags:bamba, bamba baby, israel, marvel, snack, superheroLeave a comment on Leaked: Marvel Developing Bamba Baby Disney+ Miniseries 

Inspiring: Pre-Pubescent Teen Wears Fake Beard For Omer

Posted byThe SchmearMay 8, 2023May 8, 2023Posted inNewsTags:beard, chag, count, holiday, omer, passover, pesach, shave, shavuot

Shocking: Book Bought From Judaica Store Never Going To Be Read

Posted byThe SchmearApril 30, 2023April 30, 2023Posted inNewsTags:book, judaic, judaica, judaism, magic touch, shomer, tanach, torah

Report: Israel Manages To Be Only Country With No Flaws

Posted byThe SchmearApril 26, 2023April 26, 2023Posted inNewsTags:israe, israel, israeli independence day, jerusalem, kotel, yerushalyim, yom haatzmaut

Sad: Omer Advent Calendar Just Leftover Passover Products

Posted byThe SchmearApril 23, 2023May 8, 2023Posted inNewsTags:chag, counting, holiday, matza, matzah, matzo, matzo ball soup, omer, passover, pesach, shavuot, sinai

Whoops! Coachella Books Same Headliners As Yossi’s Bar Mitzvah Party

Posted byThe SchmearApril 16, 2023April 16, 2023Posted inNewsTags:bar mitzvah, bat mitzvah, coachella, festival, leining, music, party, torah

Enough Already: How The Fuck Is It Still Passover?

Posted byThe SchmearApril 10, 2023April 10, 2023Posted inOpinionTags:chag, holiday, matzah, matzo, passover, pesach, seder

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