Yet Another Yeshiva Boys Choir Member Goes Missing After Reaching Puberty

NEW YORK, NY — Yeshiva Boys Choir lead singer Aharon Greenberg mysteriously vanished this week after reportedly discovering his first armpit hair, leading fans of the singing group to wonder what exactly happens to the Yeshiva Boys when they reach puberty.

Aharon, age 12, has been singing with the Choir since he was five years old, earning solo parts in Kol Hamispolel and Shir Hama’alos. His close friend Beryl Glipschtein told Schmear reporters that Aharon was putting on his black velvet kippah with his name stitched on the edge and buttoning his white button down shirt over his tzitzit when he noticed a small hair in his armpit. A few hours later, Aharon’s father Bezalel Greenberg reported him missing. 

“Boys have been disappearing when their voices drop, and none of us know where they’re going,” Beryl said. “I watched when Yossi had to get braces and Tzvi grew out of his pants, and they both disappeared. And when Moishe got a mustache, we never saw him again. I just hope it won’t happen to me, so I wax my upper lip to be safe.”

Other Yeshiva Boys have been urged to speak up. 9 year old Hillel Blum said, “Nobody really knows what happens when your voice drops. All we know is one day Dovid H. is freaking out because he can’t sing treble anymore and then the next day, there’s a new kid named Dovid S, but no more Dovid H.”

10 year old Shlomo Geller explained, “I remember the day before Gedalya left he was acting all weird. Really jittery, and the director kept looking at him. Every time he did, Gedalya would jump and even started crying in the middle of Ashrei. It was the day right after he told us he had started using deodorant.”

“Avrum Yankel was lucky,” Geller added. “He made it to his bar mitzvah. But then his voice cracked while he leined his haftarah. All we saw was one well-placed high velocity Sunkist gummy and then, well, he was off the derech… for good.”

Choir Director Pinchos Bergman denied our request for comment, although Bergman’s next door neighbor reported seeing a light on in his basement and hearing a mournful, post-pubescent rendition of Ah Ah Ah Ashrei coming from within.

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