Uh Oh: Yedid Nefesh Off to Slow Start, Forecast Bleak for Rest of Kabbalat Shabbat

TEANECK, NJ — A drawn-out “Yedid Nefesh” was heard Friday at sunset in Young Israel of Teaneck, leading to bleak predictions for when services would finally end. Murmurs were heard around the synagogue as members filled with regret that seventy-two-year-old Isaac Rosenberg was allowed to lead Kabbalat Shabbat services for the third time this year. Continue reading “Uh Oh: Yedid Nefesh Off to Slow Start, Forecast Bleak for Rest of Kabbalat Shabbat”

Synagogue Rolling In Cash After Auctioning NFT Of Rare Carlebach Audio

CROWN HEIGHTS, NY — Ahavas Shira Synagogue struck gold last week when they minted a recording of a never-released Shlomo Carlebach work as a non-fungible token (NFT). Within hours, a massive bidding war broke out across the Jewish world, with offers coming in from as far as Monsey. “We’ve been getting into the crypto worldContinue reading “Synagogue Rolling In Cash After Auctioning NFT Of Rare Carlebach Audio”

I’m Starting to Think This Niggun is a Billie Eilish Song

Ok so my rabbi brings a “new” niggun from his hometown? Sure… anybody knows that Jews never make new songs. It was a good effort disguising “Bad Guy” with nonsense niggun syllables but still – I’m not buying it. It was a weird song choice but I’m most confused about how the rabbi found outContinue reading “I’m Starting to Think This Niggun is a Billie Eilish Song”

Study Finds Debbie Friedman’s “Mi Shebeirach” More Effective Than Moderna, Pfizer, and Johnson & Johnson Vaccines

BALTIMORE, MD — A recent study from Johns Hopkins has determined that while the Moderna, Pfizer, and Johnson & Johnson vaccines are effective for preventing COVID-19, the best cure available is a soulful rendition of Debbie Friedman’s “Mi Shebeirach” prayer. The study observed 10,000 vaccine recipients and 500 temples, youth groups, and Hebrew school classesContinue reading “Study Finds Debbie Friedman’s “Mi Shebeirach” More Effective Than Moderna, Pfizer, and Johnson & Johnson Vaccines”

Oh No: Camp Rabbi Pulling Out Guitar for Some Reason

TOWNSEND, TN — While campers aged 8 to 14 were finishing their lunches of soy chicken nuggets, ominous whispers started to pass between the campers closer to the front of the dining hall. In just moments, the news had reached even the bunk forced to sit next to the supply closet in the back: theContinue reading “Oh No: Camp Rabbi Pulling Out Guitar for Some Reason”

Yet Another Yeshiva Boys Choir Member Goes Missing After Reaching Puberty

NEW YORK, NY — Yeshiva Boys Choir lead singer Aharon Greenberg mysteriously vanished this week after reportedly discovering his first armpit hair, leading fans of the singing group to wonder what exactly happens to the Yeshiva Boys when they reach puberty. Aharon, age 12, has been singing with the Choir since he was five yearsContinue reading “Yet Another Yeshiva Boys Choir Member Goes Missing After Reaching Puberty”