Dear ___(Name of Celebrity Crush)__,
My name is __(your name)__ and I have been in love with you for __(length of crush)__ since I saw you in __(movie, concert, TV show, interview, etc.)__.
I know we’ve never met, and I’m sure you have tons of people like me sending you fan mail. But this is different. I really think that if we met, we would have a special connection. For example, I also love __(obscure hobby they post about on Instagram or social justice initiatives they promote)__. In fact, I think the one thing that would make your life more perfect is if you were married to me.
Now that I’ve established we’re soulmates, if you want to marry me, you must know this: I can’t marry a non-Jewish person. So you’re going to need to convert. I know this may be a shock, but it’s nothing compared to ___(shocking scene of movie they were in, song or book they wrote, specific event from specific sport game they played in, etc.)____, so I know you’ll handle it easily.
You’ll probably really like it! Tons of successful people in your field have been Jewish, like __(names of famous Jews in the same field as your crush. I’m sure you can think of at least a few)___. And besides, you’re really going to love it more than you love __(their favorite food, I know you know what that is)__ – but you’ll probably love my grandma’s challah even more than that!
I think you’re going to find a lot of meaning and community in Judaism, just like __(names of their Jewish friends, I am positive that you have a few of these you can rattle off)__ have. And besides that, once you’re done and converted, you’ll get to marry me! And as I’ve said, that will truly be the best thing to ever happen to you, even better than __(brief recap of when they got discovered, their first big game or award, etc.)__. Seriously, we’re meant to be together. I love you more than all __(number of Instagram followers they have, don’t pretend you don’t stare at the page every day)__ of your followers, and I know that you’ll love me too as soon as we meet in __(your hometown, or theirs, whichever feels more likely to you)__.
Once you‘re done reading this letter and ready to start this process, you can call me at __(your phone number)__ and my rabbi at __(your rabbi’s phone number)__.
I love you endlessly and I hope to meet you someday. Or if you ever see this DM and just sorta “like” it, I’ll probably combust and that would be cool too.
Yours forever, once you make the right decision and convert for me,
❤ __(your name)__ ❤
theschmear.com 