BALTIMORE, MD — A recent study from Johns Hopkins has determined that while the Moderna, Pfizer, and Johnson & Johnson vaccines are effective for preventing COVID-19, the best cure available is a soulful rendition of Debbie Friedman’s “Mi Shebeirach” prayer.
The study observed 10,000 vaccine recipients and 500 temples, youth groups, and Hebrew school classes — divided evenly between communities that sing “Mi Shebeirach” and communities that sing a placebo song by Matisyahu — and found that COVID patients who hear the pious words of Tefillah set to the late Ms. Friedman’s hopeful melody were less likely to develop harmful symptoms of the virus.
Anecdotal evidence from COVID patients supports the study’s findings. “I couldn’t breathe,” said Steven Beiner, age 67, who was in the ICU for nearly two weeks in March. “I thought I was going to die. But then my daughter sent a video of my grandson’s 2nd grade class singing it. I heard the passion with which they sang the words of praise for God and I could just feel the virus leaving my body.”
In light of these developments, state governments have ordered guitars and songleaders to be sent to every community as rapidly as possible, and the CDC urges everyone who is able to join their JCC day camps’ Zoom sing-along sessions to do so.
Researchers at Johns Hopkins report a similar study is in the works to determine the efficacy of Friedman’s “Not By Might” on the development of cancer.