Ranking Jewish Marvel Actors By How Proud Their Character’s Mother Would Be (SPOILERS)

Do not read ahead if you’re not up to date on the Marvel Cinematic Universe!! 

Really! Don’t!

11. Stan Lee

23 jobs in 11 years, traveling aimlessly around all corners of the universe, always close to danger at inopportune times, and never settling down. His poor mother must be so disappointed.

Gage Skidmore, CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons

10. Jeff Goldblum (The Grandmaster)

Not only does this man have an orgy spaceship and orchestrates alien gladiator fights, he also lives on the edge of the known and unknown, so it’s very hard for his mother to visit.

Georges Biard, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons

9. Jake Gyllenhaal (Mysterio)

It’s not just that his life’s work was ridiculed and he was fired by Tony Stark. Mysterio’s whole livelihood hinges on technology that his mother just can’t quite understand. He could have been a professor.

Georges Biard, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons

8. Scarlett Johansson (Black Widow) 

She goes out of her way to get in dangerous fights, and can’t even manage to come out of them with a boyfriend. Her mother wishes she would just pick one hairstyle, leave behind the skintight leather getups, and stop running in heels. And a little eye shadow wouldn’t hurt either.

Gage Skidmore, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons

7. Jon Favreau (Happy Hogan)

Yes, he was an incredibly loyal friend to Tony Stark, a devoted Head of Security, and a loving carer for Peter and Morgan, but I’m sorry – what mother dreams of her son being a bodyguard?

Eva Rinaldi (Uploader: Musa Raza), CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons

6. Paul Rudd (Ant-Man)

Sure, Scott Lang is an amazing father and engineer and he basically saved the universe, but first he went to prison. And got fired from Baskin Robbins. His mother hasn’t spoken to him since. (But she does brag to her friends about him.)

Red Carpet Report on Mingle Media TV from Culver City, USA, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons

5. Natalie Portman (Jane Foster)

An extraordinarily accomplished scientist who made a literal god want to settle down, Jane’s mother would nonetheless be disappointed that she failed to learn not to stick her hands in ancient rocks or travel to distant planets with a man she barely knows.

Siebbi, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons

4. Taika Waititi (Korg)

As we’ve learned, when Korg tried to start a revolution on Sakaar, his mother was the only one to show up. Even though her son hates her boyfriend and is a failed warrior on a garbage planet with not enough pamphlets, she still supports him.

Gage Skidmore, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons

3. Kat Dennings (Darcy Lewis)

A doctorate in astrophysics? Normally that would seem unnecessary, but Darcy actually travels the world using her knowledge of science to help the superpeople. Her mother is surprised, but ultimately, quite proud.

gdcgraphics, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons

2. Gwyneth Paltrow (Pepper Potts)

A wonderful mother, CEO of a major company, outstanding gift-giver, has performed amateur heart operations, and knows how to land a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist on her own terms. Her mother is thrilled.

Baume & Mercier, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons

1. Michael Stuhlbarg (Nicodemus West)

Remember that surgeon from like the first scene of Doctor Strange? Sure, he wasn’t a major character, but he was a surgeon. Need I say more?

Photo by Jay Goodman

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