Tag Archives: jewish

Man Who Has Never Made Etrog Jam In His Life Swears This The Year He Finally Makes Etrog Jam

OAK PARK, MI — In a press release this week, accountant and local block party host Aryeh Gerber has vowed that this year will finally be the year that he makes jam out of the citrus used as part of the celebration of Sukkot.  “This year, I’m really gonna do it,” stated Gerber at hisContinue reading “Man Who Has Never Made Etrog Jam In His Life Swears This The Year He Finally Makes Etrog Jam”

Fashion Emergency: Entire Community Spotted Wearing White After Labor Day

LOS ANGELES, CA — At 8 p.m. on Wednesday, in a bombshell move that sent shockwaves throughout the California fashion scene, hundreds – if not thousands – of families were seen walking through the Pico-Robertson area wearing all white, merely a week and a half after labor day. Fashion critic Angelica Judd rushed to the sceneContinue reading “Fashion Emergency: Entire Community Spotted Wearing White After Labor Day”

This Tzom Gedaliah, It’s Time To Reconsider Who Qualifies For A Fast Named After Them

So it’s the Fast of Gedaliah, right? And we’re just supposed to care about some bureaucrat from a million years ago that no one would have heard of if he hadn’t been killed? And not only do we have to care about him, but we have to fast in memory of his death? Why shouldContinue reading “This Tzom Gedaliah, It’s Time To Reconsider Who Qualifies For A Fast Named After Them”

Business Owner In Rural Town Hoping Summer Profits Will Last Until Local Jewish Camp Reopens Next Year

STARLIGHT, PA — In the wake of a summer of unprecedented profits, local gift shop and general store owner Frank Hoddard has been left to wonder if his business will survive until the neighboring Jewish camp opens up next year. Hoddard’s store, The Goose’s Egg, sold a historic number of flannel shirts and patterned fluffy socksContinue reading “Business Owner In Rural Town Hoping Summer Profits Will Last Until Local Jewish Camp Reopens Next Year”

Man In Political Debate Just Itching To Bring Up Holocaust

NEW YORK, NY — Engaged in a heated debate about gun control, New York University sophomore Rafi Melamed could barely contain his excitement at the prospect of using the most devastating human tragedy in modern history to further his argument.  According to eyewitnesses, Melamed’s face turned a bright red and large veins protruded from hisContinue reading “Man In Political Debate Just Itching To Bring Up Holocaust”

5 Manischewitz Cocktails To Make Havdalah Havda-lit

Hosting havdalah can be absolutely nerve-wracking. Preparing food and drinks is one thing, not to mention the inevitable judgement that comes with being in any group of Jews – but worry no more! Here are 5 Manischewitz cocktails that will impress even the pickiest of drinkers! Jello Shots: You can’t go wrong with a partyContinue reading “5 Manischewitz Cocktails To Make Havdalah Havda-lit”

Report: Tzedakah Box At Kosher Restaurant Has Not Been Emptied For Full Decade

CROWN HEIGHTS, NY — Sources confirmed on Monday that the tzedakah box on the counter of BBQ Mo’s Kosher Beefhouse has not been emptied since the restaurant’s inception 10 years ago.  “Oh, that thing?” said BBQ Mo’s manager Avraham Singer. “To be honest, I never really noticed we had that.”  Other employees reported similar indifference.Continue reading “Report: Tzedakah Box At Kosher Restaurant Has Not Been Emptied For Full Decade”

Yad Vashem’s First Annual Fun Run Canceled, For Obvious Reasons

JERUSALEM, IL — In a last-minute press release, Yad Vashem has cancelled it’s first annual Yom HaZikaron fun run, citing “obvious reasons.” “We’re surprised the planning process got this far,” a Yad Vashem representative said, preferring to stay anonymous to avoid being connected to this event in any way. “A fun run? On Yom HaZikaron?Continue reading “Yad Vashem’s First Annual Fun Run Canceled, For Obvious Reasons”

19-Year-Old Syrian Bride Carded At Own Wedding

BROOKLYN, NY — After trying to order a glass of Bartenura Moscato after her wedding reception, 19-year-old bride-to-be Sarah Dayan was asked by the bartender on site to see her ID.  “I may not be technically of age, but come on,” said Dayan. “If I’m mature enough to make a decision that will alter theContinue reading “19-Year-Old Syrian Bride Carded At Own Wedding”