American Yeshiva Student With New Blundstones, Rav-Kav, Basically Israeli Now

JERUSALEM, IL — According to several witnesses waiting in line on Ben Yehuda Street for overpriced crépes, yeshiva student Yonah Gellman was spotted wearing brand-spanking-new Blundstones and carrying a freshly printed Rav Kav, indicating he’s basically Israeli now.

Gellman, who is starting his third week at Yeshivat Eretz HaTzvi, is already considering renouncing his American citizenship. “Chutz L’aretz? More like Shmutz L’aretz!” he shouted to no one in particular.

“I know this really great hookah bar if you’re interested. It’s called Mike’s Place, real hole-in-the-wall vibes. They serve an Israeli craft beer called Goldstar which tastes the same as how the bus to Bnei Brak smells,” he said while showing off his blurry Rav-Kav that is set to expire in 6 months.

At press time, Gellman’s mother was booking her son a plane ticket back to Monsey for Passover.

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