7 Life Hacks For Avoiding Social Interaction On Ben Yehuda Street

We Jews don’t generally believe in a hell, but if it’s out there, it’s an infinite loop of walking down Ben Yehuda street while an endless string of barely-known acquaintances from high school and various shabbatons start benign small talk with you. While we may be forced into it every once in a while, here’sContinue reading “7 Life Hacks For Avoiding Social Interaction On Ben Yehuda Street”

Man In Political Debate Just Itching To Bring Up Holocaust

NEW YORK, NY — Engaged in a heated debate about gun control, New York University sophomore Rafi Melamed could barely contain his excitement at the prospect of using the most devastating human tragedy in modern history to further his argument.  According to eyewitnesses, Melamed’s face turned a bright red and large veins protruded from hisContinue reading “Man In Political Debate Just Itching To Bring Up Holocaust”

Yad Vashem’s First Annual Fun Run Canceled, For Obvious Reasons

JERUSALEM, IL — In a last-minute press release, Yad Vashem has cancelled it’s first annual Yom HaZikaron fun run, citing “obvious reasons.” “We’re surprised the planning process got this far,” a Yad Vashem representative said, preferring to stay anonymous to avoid being connected to this event in any way. “A fun run? On Yom HaZikaron?Continue reading “Yad Vashem’s First Annual Fun Run Canceled, For Obvious Reasons”

5 Bar/Bat Mitzvah Projects That Are Way Cooler Than Raising Money For Some Stupid Charity

We’ve all been to a Bar or Bat Mitzvah where the kid does a project that aims to better their community – and let us be the first to say, big whoop. Oh, cool, you collected food for a food bank! Wow, you raised money for a children’s hospital, how original! If you really wantContinue reading “5 Bar/Bat Mitzvah Projects That Are Way Cooler Than Raising Money For Some Stupid Charity”

Brawl Erupts in Mad Dash for Mini Hot Dogs at Bar Mitzvah Kiddush

HOLLYWOOD, FL — In a tragic turn of events, six Young Israel congregants were hospitalized in critical condition this week, all harmed in the same fistfight that broke out next to the mini hot dogs at Jakey Schultz’s bar mitzvah kiddish.  “At first I felt bad throwing punches at guys I’ve prayed next to forContinue reading “Brawl Erupts in Mad Dash for Mini Hot Dogs at Bar Mitzvah Kiddush”

No Homo: We’re Just Chevrutas

I just have to make something absolutely clear: me and my new chevruta, the ever-so-brilliant Jacob Feinman, are just that – chevrutas. There’s no funny business going on whatsoever. Just two bros shteiging Shmuel Aleph. And sure, we just started perek 18 last Shabbos and we’re already up to perek 21, but that shouldn’t beContinue reading “No Homo: We’re Just Chevrutas”

Anti-Israel Liberal Begrudgingly Admits Kibbutz Only Example Of Communism Actually Working

BERKELEY, CA — In a heated political debate about forms of government that took place in the University of California, Berkeley dining hall this Thursday, left-leaning philosophy major Henry Blake reluctantly supported his pro-communism argument by citing the success of Israeli socialist communes known as Kibbutzim.  “Listen, I’m definitely not the biggest fan of Israel,Continue reading “Anti-Israel Liberal Begrudgingly Admits Kibbutz Only Example Of Communism Actually Working”

Changing The Game: Visionary High Schooler Starts Tznius Fashion Instagram

TEANECK, NJ — It’s hard to believe that Bat Tzion Steinhardt, or as she’s known online, @btzn.modestfash, debuted her new modest fashion Instagram blog only a few days ago. Steinhardt is the newest in a long line of high schoolers, many now alumni, who have overcome the complex ins and outs of dress codes toContinue reading “Changing The Game: Visionary High Schooler Starts Tznius Fashion Instagram”

Local Girl Broken-Hearted, Inconsolable After Not Receiving Any Tu B’Av Cards

PORTLAND, OR — As the sun set on Sunday, the window for local 10th grader Abby Gelman to receive a card this Tu B’Av came to a close, and with it her hopes and dreams of being loved. Gelman was eagerly looking forward to at least one card – but when the holiday ended, sheContinue reading “Local Girl Broken-Hearted, Inconsolable After Not Receiving Any Tu B’Av Cards”

Brave Student Changes Phone To Military Time In Solidarity With Boyfriend In IDF

CHESTNUT HILL, MA — In a heroic show of support for her boyfriend fighting in the Israeli Defense Forces, Boston College freshman Monica Feldman changed her phone’s clock to 24-hour military time this past week. Feldman met her boyfriend Natan Bitton during her year studying in Israel. They dated for four months before Bitton enlistedContinue reading “Brave Student Changes Phone To Military Time In Solidarity With Boyfriend In IDF”