Carbon Dioxide Loses Hechsher, SodaStream Stocks Plummet

KEFAR SAVA, ISRAEL —  SodaStream International Ltd took a hit this week when the Orthodox Union reported that it will no longer certify carbon dioxide. The company spokesman Rabbi Ari Schwartzman held a press conference to explain the decision, 

“It breaks my heart to inform you that Carbon Dioxide will no longer bear kosher certification from the OU, against our best wishes,” he said. “This was not the OU’s choice; big CO2 told us they didn’t want to pay for kosher certification anymore.”

Jews from all over the world are concerned about what to do with their SodaStream appliances. “How will we support Israel now?” said Skokie mother,  Rivkie Goldberg. “I mean, I can hang an Israeli flag outside my house to compensate for the loss, but it’s just not the same without proud, grandstanding announcements to a packed shabbat table about how I’m saving the environment, supporting the homeland, and saving money all at once.”

A Kickstarter campaign has opened to raise money for the hechsher. To donate, invest in LaCroix stocks and send the soon-to-be huge profits to the charity “Save Our Seltzer, Get a Hechsher.”

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