kosher

“I Mean, I Still Don’t Eat Pork,” Says Teen, Clearly Off The Derech

Top 5 Jewish Moms You Didn’t Know Eat Out Dairy

1. Rachel Zilbinger Don’t let the sheitel fool you! Despite being an active member of the local Orthodox community, Rachel was reportedly seen enjoying fettuccine Alfredo and sipping from a glass of wine at Olive Garden last week after a particularly stressful PTA meeting. While we certainly can’t blame her for wanting to take theContinue reading “Top 5 Jewish Moms You Didn’t Know Eat Out Dairy”

Marine Biologists Discover New Species Of Gefilte Fish

Cream Cheese Shortage: Dry Bagels Declared New Bread of Affliction

Local Kosher Bakery Unveils Sufganiyot With Blood Of Christ Filling

Mom Absolutely Losing It Over Parve Dessert That Tastes Dairy

SKOKIE, IL — Spectators from the Shabbat table of Miriam Finkel yesterday claim they witnessed a bizarre scene when the soccer mom couldn’t seem to stop talking about the Tofutti Cuties she purchased at the kosher grocery store. Finkel had never tasted the delicacy before and had previously been wary of parve ice cream products.Continue reading “Mom Absolutely Losing It Over Parve Dessert That Tastes Dairy”

Local Convert Disappointed He Can No Longer Cook Calf In Mother’s Milk

HOUSTON, TX — Ron Baker, newly converted member of the local Jewish community, was shocked on Wednesday when he discovered the thrice-iterated Biblical prohibition against cooking a kid goat in its mother’s milk. “I know Judaism is all about restrictions,” Baker said. “But I never thought I’d have to give up boiling baby animals inContinue reading “Local Convert Disappointed He Can No Longer Cook Calf In Mother’s Milk”

BREAKING: Israeli Chief Rabbinate Declares Cats Kosher To Fix Stray Cat Problem

JERUSALEM, IL — A historic shift took place Monday morning as the Chief Rabbinate of Israel officially declared cats as the newest addition to the relatively brief list of kosher animals. The decision comes from years of debate after the concept was initially proposed to curb the rampant feline pest predicament. “These street cats haveContinue reading “BREAKING: Israeli Chief Rabbinate Declares Cats Kosher To Fix Stray Cat Problem”

OU Heksher Council Denies Impossible Pork Certification On Grounds That It May Lead To Mixed Dancing

New York, NY — in a landmark decision this past Sunday, the Orthodox Union has decided to deny the Impossible Foods company’s new Impossible Pork product a Heksher. At a press conference, a spokesperson for the OU qualified this monumental Beit Din ruling with the simple reasoning that an OU symbol on a product labeledContinue reading “OU Heksher Council Denies Impossible Pork Certification On Grounds That It May Lead To Mixed Dancing”

Report: Tzedakah Box At Kosher Restaurant Has Not Been Emptied For Full Decade

CROWN HEIGHTS, NY — Sources confirmed on Monday that the tzedakah box on the counter of BBQ Mo’s Kosher Beefhouse has not been emptied since the restaurant’s inception 10 years ago. “Oh, that thing?” said BBQ Mo’s manager Avraham Singer. “To be honest, I never really noticed we had that.” Other employees reported similar indifference.Continue reading “Report: Tzedakah Box At Kosher Restaurant Has Not Been Emptied For Full Decade”