We all know the feeling of seeing a great deal at a store and taking off your kippah so it doesn’t look bad when you go apeshit at a strip mall Best Buy. Boy, oh boy, do I have news for you: On Black Friday, all the rules go out the window.
That’s right. On this day of extreme consumeristic indulgence, all societal conventions of human behavior are tossed out the window and replaced with the animalistic urge to burn money on discounted flat screens. So don’t worry about that kippah – nobody will care that you’re Jewish. In fact, let those peyot flow, let those tzitzit hang, let that cholent belly wobble as you race down the mall hallway. It’s time to show those goyim that we can be like them, too.
It’s everyone for themselves on Black Friday. Do whatever you need to do to make sure that Kitchenaid stand mixer is yours and yours only. Punch a guy in the face. Throw a baby out of a stroller for all we care. If anything, all those goyim will be impressed by your ruthlessness. We’ve been preparing all year for the event, shoving each other out of the way in local kosher stores for 50 cents off Osem soup mix. It’s our time to shine.
Make Hashem proud.
松林 Ｌ from Toronto, Canada, CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons