ANY OF THE FIVE TOWNS, NY — Tensions were high this past Sunday night when the children of the Bloom household employed advanced interrogation techniques on their father Shloimie Bloom as part of an ongoing investigation regarding the location of the afikoman. Shloimie, who usually just hides it behind a picture frame, took his responsibilities to the next level this year, forcing his children to resort to waterboarding.
“We needed to end the Seder,” his son Yossi Bloom said, “It was already 1 A.M. when we started looking, we needed to end it before it came time to say the morning’s Shema.”
Shloimie’s youngest son, five-year-old Jakey Bloom, was particularly excited to participate. Sources claim that Jakey’s suggestion to substitute salt water during the interrogation almost brought Shloimie to a breaking point. Jakey’s intensity was motivated by the promise of a new Harry Potter Lego were he to find the elusive flatbread.
After an hour of trying, the family gave up. The interrogation is still ongoing, but according to sources close to the Bloom family, a generous reward is offered to anyone who finds the afikoman, stale or not.
“Gughahgugahd,” said Shloimie, when asked for comment.