“What the entertainment industry has deemed ‘White Marror’ is set to come out in April 2024. The new season will take place at the Fountainbleu Miami hotel, and include Jewish actors such as Andy Samberg, Gal Gadot, and the ghost of Mel Brooks, as well as noted goy Jennifer Coolidge.”
Tag Archives: matzo
Local Wal-Mart Opens Kosher Aisle, Features Matzah In July, Food That Isn’t Kosher
CINCINNATI, OH — When Wal-Mart announced they would be unveiling a Kosher aisle, the Jews of Cincinnati rallied behind the momentous decision – unfortunately, the results were underwhelming. “We were so excited that we’d be able to buy our matzah meal and Yizkor candles along with our dog shampoo and As Seen On TV items,”Continue reading “Local Wal-Mart Opens Kosher Aisle, Features Matzah In July, Food That Isn’t Kosher”
Local Father Waterboarded but Still Won’t Reveal Afikoman Hiding Spot
ANY OF THE FIVE TOWNS, NY — Tensions were high this past Sunday night when the children of the Bloom household employed advanced interrogation techniques on their father Shloimie Bloom as part of an ongoing investigation regarding the location of the afikoman. Shloimie, who usually just hides it behind a picture frame, took his responsibilitiesContinue reading “Local Father Waterboarded but Still Won’t Reveal Afikoman Hiding Spot”
Sephardic COVID Patient Relieved to Lose Sense of Taste Right Before Visiting Ashkenaz In-Laws for Passover
SEATTLE, WA — After a long battle with the COVID-19 virus, local graduate student Aaron Abarbanel was relieved to find his lost sense of taste and smell have not yet returned, just in time to visit his in-laws of Polish descent. “When I go over there I already have to shovel cold pressure-cooker brisket andContinue reading “Sephardic COVID Patient Relieved to Lose Sense of Taste Right Before Visiting Ashkenaz In-Laws for Passover”
Opinion: I’m in My 20’s and Still Doing the Four Questions. What the Fuck.
I’m the youngest child in my immediate family – including my 17 first cousins – so it makes sense that I did the four questions when I was a kid. Maybe I even did them a little longer than the average person did, right? I mean, no younger siblings or cousins to take over forContinue reading “Opinion: I’m in My 20’s and Still Doing the Four Questions. What the Fuck.”
Breaking: Passover Basically Tomorrow
Yes, it’s technically still February, but if you aren’t already getting prepped for Passover, you’re in a whole mess of trouble. Obviously I hope you had a nice Purim and Shabbat, but let’s be real—Purim was a million years ago, before we started Pesach-cleaning… oh, you haven’t started yet? Oh, honey. Oh no. Please don’tContinue reading “Breaking: Passover Basically Tomorrow”
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