Uh Oh: The Goy Just Touched the Wine Bottle at the Dinner Table

HOUSTON, TX — Brian Goodman didn’t think anything terrible could happen when he invited his weird uncle Robert over for dinner with his family, but all that changed when his Uncle’s new girlfriend Kim poured herself a glass of Baron Herzog Special Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon.

“It happened almost in slow motion,” Goodman said via a phone interview. “Her grubby little goy hands just snatched the bottle. It caught me completely off-guard.”

According to Goodman, he tried to avoid such a debacle by offering to pour wine for Kim, a chiropractor who met his uncle Robert during an appointment at her private practice. Instead, Kim swooped in and poured herself a full glass. 

“When she offered me a glass I almost shrieked,” said Julie Goodman, the woman of the house. “I just politely declined and muttered the Shema under my breath just in case, knowing I would have to throw away the bottle and sprint for the nearest Mikveh as soon as they left.”

While the Goodmans may be out an expensive bottle of red, they have learned a valuable lesson. “We’re never inviting another shiksa for a meal ever again, I can tell you that much.”

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