Tag Archives: wine
Tzadik: Uncle David Drinks All Four Cups On Thanksgiving
Breaking: Grandma Really Shouldn’t Have Drank All Four Cups Of Wine
SEATTLE, WA — Chugging her fourth cup of wine, Ethel Silver changed what started out as a wholesome Seder with loved ones into a frantic trip to the emergency room. “She had that look in her eyes, and I immediately knew something was wrong,” said Jacob Silver, concerned grandson. “The only other time I’ve seenContinue reading “Breaking: Grandma Really Shouldn’t Have Drank All Four Cups Of Wine”
L’Chaim: Manischewitz To Release Hard Seltzer Brand Targeted At College Hillels
WALTHAM, MA — On the heels of an especially booze-soaked Purim, Manischewitz has announced the production of their own brand of hard seltzer in an attempt to liven up Hillel events. “It’s two of the world’s most popular types of alcohol combined into one great drink!” said Manischewitz representative, Chana Gould. “It’s the perfect drinkContinue reading “L’Chaim: Manischewitz To Release Hard Seltzer Brand Targeted At College Hillels”
Very Cool: Vatican Pays Homage To Christ’s Jewish Ancestry, Makes Manischewitz Official Communion Wine
Man Still Can’t Smell Bisamim Post-Delta Variant, Trapped In Never-Ending Shabbat
LAKEWOOD, NJ — The first Saturday night after his miraculous recovery from Covid-19, community member David Grossman realized he was unable to smell besamim – unfortunately, that’s only where the problem began. “If I can’t smell the cloves, I haven’t made a division between the holy and the ordinary,” stated Grossman to the press, afterContinue reading “Man Still Can’t Smell Bisamim Post-Delta Variant, Trapped In Never-Ending Shabbat”
Recently Uncovered Challah Embarrassed To Find Out Bracha Made On Wine First
NEW ROCHELLE, NY — Despite the usage of an embroidered silk cover, a humiliated loaf of challah discovered last Saturday that before the HaMotzi blessing, a blessing had already been made on a cup of wine. “I’ve always been told you’re supposed to make a bracha on bread first,” said the sobbing and lightly-toasted pretzelContinue reading “Recently Uncovered Challah Embarrassed To Find Out Bracha Made On Wine First”
5 Manischewitz Cocktails To Make Havdalah Havda-lit
Hosting havdalah can be absolutely nerve-wracking. Preparing food and drinks is one thing, not to mention the inevitable judgement that comes with being in any group of Jews – but worry no more! Here are 5 Manischewitz cocktails that will impress even the pickiest of drinkers! Jello Shots: You can’t go wrong with a partyContinue reading “5 Manischewitz Cocktails To Make Havdalah Havda-lit”
Eight Day Old Absolutely Shitfaced At 11 AM
Image via Zivya, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons
Uh Oh: The Goy Just Touched the Wine Bottle at the Dinner Table
HOUSTON, TX — Brian Goodman didn’t think anything terrible could happen when he invited his weird uncle Robert over for dinner with his family, but all that changed when his Uncle’s new girlfriend Kim poured herself a glass of Baron Herzog Special Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon. “It happened almost in slow motion,” Goodman said via aContinue reading “Uh Oh: The Goy Just Touched the Wine Bottle at the Dinner Table”
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