Overworked Oven Can’t Wait To Be Put On Shabbat Mode

QUEENS, NY — Exhausted by a tough week of high-temperature cooking, a local oven expressed its anticipation to observe a day of rest this weekend by going on Shabbat mode.  “I’ve been set at 425 pretty much every night this week,” the oven said as it cooled down from cooking a Thursday night turkey forContinue reading “Overworked Oven Can’t Wait To Be Put On Shabbat Mode”


THE DESERT, SINAI — In what is being hailed as a large-scale upending of the food service industry, reports are streaming out of the Sinai Desert that food is falling out of the fucking sky.  Witnesses claim that approximately 10,000 pounds of a clear food substance called manna plummeted out of the goddamn sky atContinue reading “FOOD FALLING FROM FUCKING SKY”

Uh Oh: The Goy Just Touched the Wine Bottle at the Dinner Table

HOUSTON, TX — Brian Goodman didn’t think anything terrible could happen when he invited his weird uncle Robert over for dinner with his family, but all that changed when his Uncle’s new girlfriend Kim poured herself a glass of Baron Herzog Special Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon. “It happened almost in slow motion,” Goodman said via aContinue reading “Uh Oh: The Goy Just Touched the Wine Bottle at the Dinner Table”