QUEENS, NY — Exhausted by a tough week of high-temperature cooking, a local oven expressed its anticipation to observe a day of rest this weekend by going on Shabbat mode.
“I’ve been set at 425 pretty much every night this week,” the oven said as it cooled down from cooking a Thursday night turkey for the six members of the local Halevy family. “I’m tellin’ ya, I’m ready to go on Shabbat mode and just cruise at a breezy 200 degrees for a rejuvenating 25 hours. No broiler, no warming drawer, just some relaxing convection action.”
It’s been a particularly difficult work week for the Halevy family’s Miele-brand oven. Most weeks have at least a few days where the burden of dinner is shared with the stovetop, but recently the oven has been running a marathon of dinner prep: “It started off with some roasted veggies for monday night dinner, and I thought I was gonna cruise through the week,” quoted the H 6780-2 BP2 30 Inch Convection Oven. “But then it was a london broil, and a three-tiered birthday cake with accompanying cupcakes, and then a make-your-own-pizza night. I’m wiped, and that stupid induction cooktop has done nothing to help out.”
At press time, witnesses confirmed that the oven went into a fit of searing rage on hearing Mrs. Halevy’s announcement that she planned to experiment with homemade beef jerky, yet doesn’t own a dehydrator.