work

5 Tips To Bagel Your Professor

The art of bageling is a delicate and sensitive dance – a skill that helps us bond with fellow Jews even while hiding it from outsiders. For example, calling your mom “ima” aloud when you’re otherwise craftily hiding your identity by having a normal nose or not wearing your Jewish Star necklace. Here are someContinue reading “5 Tips To Bagel Your Professor”

Overworked Oven Can’t Wait To Be Put On Shabbat Mode

QUEENS, NY — Exhausted by a tough week of high-temperature cooking, a local oven expressed its anticipation to observe a day of rest this weekend by going on Shabbat mode. “I’ve been set at 425 pretty much every night this week,” the oven said as it cooled down from cooking a Thursday night turkey forContinue reading “Overworked Oven Can’t Wait To Be Put On Shabbat Mode”

Antisemitic Professor Fails Student Who was Absent Whole Semester, Never Turned in Assignments, Just Because He’s Jewish

SYRACUSE, NY — The Jewish community of Syracuse University has publicly called for the condemnation of Professor Robert Aldrin’s antisemitic actions last week. Professor Aldrin gave a failing grade to Micah Wittenberg, a junior in the psychology department, who has been notably outspoken on campus about his Jewish identity and support for Israel. Speaking toContinue reading “Antisemitic Professor Fails Student Who was Absent Whole Semester, Never Turned in Assignments, Just Because He’s Jewish”

Student Rejected from 14 Internships, Insists Working at Summer Camp Looks More Impressive on Resume Anyways

GAINESVILLE, FL — After months of applications to various internships, University of Florida sophomore Emily Perling has ultimately decided to return to Camp Coleman for the summer. “Working at camp actually looks better on a resume,” said Perling, a computer science major who applied to nine different software companies’ summer internships, three international research programs,Continue reading “Student Rejected from 14 Internships, Insists Working at Summer Camp Looks More Impressive on Resume Anyways”

Opinion: You Can Write Papers that Aren’t About Judaism

We’ve all been there. You have your big final paper coming up. The one with as broad and vague a topic as can be. You’re overwhelmed. You have the whole universe of things tangentially related to the topic of your class to choose from. This does not mean that you have to write about Judaism.Continue reading “Opinion: You Can Write Papers that Aren’t About Judaism”