CROWN HEIGHTS, NY — Ahavas Shira Synagogue struck gold last week when they minted a recording of a never-released Shlomo Carlebach work as a non-fungible token (NFT). Within hours, a massive bidding war broke out across the Jewish world, with offers coming in from as far as Monsey.
“We’ve been getting into the crypto world ever since Glatt Mart started accepting Bitcoin,” said synagogue rabbi Yoni Kleuioninbreuger. “I was zoicheh to have been a close friend of Reb Shloimie. He gifted the track to me years ago after the birth of my daughter, Mushkie.”
Rumblings have reverberated throughout the global Jewish community, theorizing about what the audio file might contain. Carlebach fanatics, colloquially known as Shlomsters, have already created a subreddit filled with speculative comment threads.
“I haven’t heard the song yet, but I’ve never wanted anything more in my life,” said Yossi Wineberg, a neo-Hasidic yeshiva bochur and avid Reddit user. “I’m not sure if the birthday money I got from my bubbe is enough, but embezzlement is always an option in the worst-case scenario.”
According to the board of Ahavas Shira, all proceeds will be donated to the Carlebach Estate’s efforts to suppress allegations of sexual misconduct.