Study Discovers Horniest Place On Earth: Your Campus Hillel’s Shabbat Service

YOUR CAMPUS HILLEL — A groundbreaking meta-analysis of a sociological survey conducted by the U.S. Census Bureau proved mathematically that the Shabbat services hosted by your campus Hillel are quantitatively the horniest place on Earth. University Hillels proudly offer multiple Friday night services geared towards different denominations of Judaism, all of which are practically anContinue reading “Study Discovers Horniest Place On Earth: Your Campus Hillel’s Shabbat Service”

Seder Ruined By Know-It-All Teen In Atheist Phase

BUFFALO, NY — During the Magid section of the Passover Seder, the Schaufmans read through the story of the Jews’ salvation from their oppression at the hands of the Egyptians – but 15-year-old member of the family, Hillel, had a few objections.  “God came down with a strong hand and outstretched arm and liberated theContinue reading “Seder Ruined By Know-It-All Teen In Atheist Phase”

Heartwarming: “Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)” Plays During Bat Mitzvah Montage

HOLLYWOOD, FL — Sitting on the floor of the local synagogue social hall, invitees to Gabrielle Stein’s Bat Mitzvah wiped away tears during her poorly assembled montage while Green Day’s fifth most popular song played in the background.  “I mean, I just felt like the song was so funky and unique. It was a closeContinue reading “Heartwarming: “Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)” Plays During Bat Mitzvah Montage”

L’Chaim: Manischewitz To Release Hard Seltzer Brand Targeted At College Hillels

WALTHAM, MA — On the heels of an especially booze-soaked Purim, Manischewitz has announced the production of their own brand of hard seltzer in an attempt to liven up Hillel events. “It’s two of the world’s most popular types of alcohol combined into one great drink!” said Manischewitz representative, Chana Gould. “It’s the perfect drinkContinue reading “L’Chaim: Manischewitz To Release Hard Seltzer Brand Targeted At College Hillels”