Nothing says “my Jewish friends wouldn’t understand this” like intentionally standing in cold water, staying quiet for hours, catching something you can’t even eat, and wearing an outfit that makes it hard to use the bathroom.
Ever seen a Jew play lacrosse? Exactly.
3. Paint and Sip Class
Sipping wine? Jewish! Gossiping with your girls? Jewish!! Painting? Not super Jewish, but paying someone to make it look like you’re more talented than you are for next time your neighbors come over? That’s pretty Jewish. So then why is a paint and sip class so goyish? The world may never know. Focus on showing your goy side by having wine without getting blackout drunk on one glass.
Drake and Daveed Diggs didn’t get it from their Jewish moms. And the beatboxer from the Maccabeats ain’t the real deal either. Show the haters you can do more than just lein and complain by learning to rap with the best of them.
How many Jews do you know who can make it through a day of just normal sitting and standing without complaining about their feet? You think they could do ballet? Prove you have more diverse interests than those bunion-busting podiatry students and put on some pointe shoes.
6. Anything but Writing Comedy
This is the most Jewish thing you can do. You might think you can branch out, but take it from the experts, you’ll probably just start writing about Jewish things.