Close Call: Campus Jewish Organization Added To University Diversity Meeting At Last Second

DAVIDSON, NC — Davidson College Hillel, the only non-Christian religious group on campus, breathed a sigh of relief last Tuesday when they received an email inviting them to participate in the university’s monthly diversity committee meetings.  “We knew they were having these meetings,” said Hillel president Jonathan Weitz on a celebratory walk around campus, “andContinue reading “Close Call: Campus Jewish Organization Added To University Diversity Meeting At Last Second”

Local Non-Jew Wondering Why Her Roommate Keeps Complaining About the Temperature While Making Direct Eye Contact Every Saturday

ANN ARBOR, MI — University of Michigan freshman Savannah Waterford is unsure about why her roommate Yael Berger keeps complaining about the temperature every Saturday until sundown while making awkward eye contact. “That’s not the only thing she does,” Waterford said. “It seems like every Friday night, she gets into bed with the lights on,Continue reading “Local Non-Jew Wondering Why Her Roommate Keeps Complaining About the Temperature While Making Direct Eye Contact Every Saturday”

Prospective Student at College Fair Way Too Worried About BDS on Campus, Considering He Probably Won’t Even Get In

ST LOUIS, MO — At Washington University in St. Louis’ prospective student visiting day on Sunday, high school senior Jason Wolman spent far too much time asking about the presence of anti-Zionist organization BDS on campus, for someone with very little chance of being accepted to the college in the first place.  “This stuff isContinue reading “Prospective Student at College Fair Way Too Worried About BDS on Campus, Considering He Probably Won’t Even Get In”

Campus Chabad Giving Out Branded Crap like There’s No Tomorrow

BINGHAMTON, NY — Students at Binghamton University worry that they missed a holiday or something, because the campus Chabad just keeps giving them things. Melissa Baker, a sophomore, struggled to open her dorm room door as she juggled a Chabad on Campus branded tote bag, a pair of neon sunglasses, and a Shabbat times refrigeratorContinue reading “Campus Chabad Giving Out Branded Crap like There’s No Tomorrow”

College Senior Announces Plans to Become 40 Year Old Man Playing Basketball at the JCC After Graduation

ITHACA, NY — On Wednesday, Noah Trasser of Dallas, TX, a Senior at the Cornell school of philosophy, turned in his thesis and announced that he has made definitive plans for after graduation. Trasser intends to emotionally prepare for being a 40 year old man playing basketball in the local JCC. “I was offered aContinue reading “College Senior Announces Plans to Become 40 Year Old Man Playing Basketball at the JCC After Graduation”

Antisemitic Professor Fails Student Who was Absent Whole Semester, Never Turned in Assignments, Just Because He’s Jewish

SYRACUSE, NY — The Jewish community of Syracuse University has publicly called for the condemnation of Professor Robert Aldrin’s antisemitic actions last week. Professor Aldrin gave a failing grade to Micah Wittenberg, a junior in the psychology department, who has been notably outspoken on campus about his Jewish identity and support for Israel. Speaking toContinue reading “Antisemitic Professor Fails Student Who was Absent Whole Semester, Never Turned in Assignments, Just Because He’s Jewish”

Win for Zionism on Campus: This American Birthright Participant Just Hooked Up with an IDF Soldier

These days, college campuses can often be filled with anti-Israel propaganda, and students end up hiding their opinions just because of the pressure they feel to fit in with the crowd. But all that might change thanks to a stunning display of Zionist pride by UC Berkeley chem major Molly Segel and her Birthright guide,Continue reading “Win for Zionism on Campus: This American Birthright Participant Just Hooked Up with an IDF Soldier”

Entire Building Disturbed by Sounds of Local Student on Phone with Grandmother

URBANA-CHAMPAIGN, IL — Disaster struck Alana Rappaport this Tuesday afternoon when the  University of Illinois sophomore was rushing to her biology midterm and her phone chimed. “My dad texted to remind me that it was my Bubbe’s 86th birthday, and to make sure I remembered to call her before she went to bed at 4:45,”Continue reading “Entire Building Disturbed by Sounds of Local Student on Phone with Grandmother”

Student Rejected from 14 Internships, Insists Working at Summer Camp Looks More Impressive on Resume Anyways

GAINESVILLE, FL — After months of applications to various internships, University of Florida sophomore Emily Perling has ultimately decided to return to Camp Coleman for the summer. “Working at camp actually looks better on a resume,” said Perling, a computer science major who applied to nine different software companies’ summer internships, three international research programs,Continue reading “Student Rejected from 14 Internships, Insists Working at Summer Camp Looks More Impressive on Resume Anyways”