Man Leaves YU Seforim Sale With No Marriage Prospects, Only Books

NEW YORK, NY — Admitting that the experience failed to meet his expectations, Shmuley Moscowitz was reportedly disappointed Wednesday evening as he left the Yeshiva University Seforim Sale alone, with only a bag full of books he had no intention of reading. 

Moscowitz, who frequently skips night Seder to watch YU basketball games, arrived at the Seforim Sale hoping to meet his soulmate. Scanning the room for sturdy birthing hips, he swiftly made his way to the Tehillim section to meet his future wife.

“I don’t get it,” Moscowitz muttered dejectedly after six straight hours of hovering near The Parsha In Pink. “Everyone talks about the Shidduch crisis for women, but what about my Shidduch crisis?” When asked why he did not speak to the attractive 20-year-old woman standing behind him, Moscowitz gestured towards the Gemara in her hand and scoffed. 

At press time, Moscowitz was reportedly preparing talking points on the new Hebrew-English Koren translation.

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