SEATTLE, WA — Chugging her fourth cup of wine, Ethel Silver changed what started out as a wholesome Seder with loved ones into a frantic trip to the emergency room.
“She had that look in her eyes, and I immediately knew something was wrong,” said Jacob Silver, concerned grandson. “The only other time I’ve seen that look was in my mom’s eyes when she tried to do the worm at my cousin’s bat mitzvah. She still refuses to acknowledge that night.”
Ethel, hooked up to an IV, reportedly swore she was fine.
“Listen, all I needed was a little stomach pumping. It’s not like it was a big deal—you should’ve seen me on Purim,” said Ethel. “They’re all chanting ‘let my people go’ but never ‘let Ethel do a keg stand’. I deserve to have some freedom too. It’s such a double standard.”
At press time, Ethel was seen wandering the hospital asking if morphine was kosher for Passover.