Mom Absolutely Losing It Over Parve Dessert That Tastes Dairy

SKOKIE, IL — Spectators from the Shabbat table of Miriam Finkel yesterday claim they witnessed a bizarre scene when the soccer mom couldn’t seem to stop talking about the Tofutti Cuties she purchased at the kosher grocery store. Finkel had never tasted the delicacy before and had previously been wary of parve ice cream products.Continue reading “Mom Absolutely Losing It Over Parve Dessert That Tastes Dairy”

Local Convert Disappointed He Can No Longer Cook Calf In Mother’s Milk

HOUSTON, TX — Ron Baker, newly converted member of the local Jewish community, was shocked on Wednesday when he discovered the thrice-iterated Biblical prohibition against cooking a kid goat in its mother’s milk.  “I know Judaism is all about restrictions,” Baker said. “But I never thought I’d have to give up boiling baby animals inContinue reading “Local Convert Disappointed He Can No Longer Cook Calf In Mother’s Milk”

BREAKING: Israeli Chief Rabbinate Declares Cats Kosher To Fix Stray Cat Problem

JERUSALEM, IL — A historic shift took place Monday morning as the Chief Rabbinate of Israel officially declared cats as the newest addition to the relatively brief list of kosher animals. The decision comes from years of debate after the concept was initially proposed to curb the rampant feline pest predicament.  “These street cats haveContinue reading “BREAKING: Israeli Chief Rabbinate Declares Cats Kosher To Fix Stray Cat Problem”

OU Heksher Council Denies Impossible Pork Certification On Grounds That It May Lead To Mixed Dancing

New York, NY — in a landmark decision this past Sunday, the Orthodox Union has decided to deny the Impossible Foods company’s new Impossible Pork product a Heksher. At a press conference, a spokesperson for the OU qualified this monumental Beit Din ruling with the simple reasoning that an OU symbol on a product labeledContinue reading “OU Heksher Council Denies Impossible Pork Certification On Grounds That It May Lead To Mixed Dancing”

Report: Tzedakah Box At Kosher Restaurant Has Not Been Emptied For Full Decade

CROWN HEIGHTS, NY — Sources confirmed on Monday that the tzedakah box on the counter of BBQ Mo’s Kosher Beefhouse has not been emptied since the restaurant’s inception 10 years ago.  “Oh, that thing?” said BBQ Mo’s manager Avraham Singer. “To be honest, I never really noticed we had that.”  Other employees reported similar indifference.Continue reading “Report: Tzedakah Box At Kosher Restaurant Has Not Been Emptied For Full Decade”

Local Wal-Mart Opens Kosher Aisle, Features Matzah In July, Food That Isn’t Kosher

CINCINNATI, OH — When Wal-Mart announced they would be unveiling a Kosher aisle, the Jews of Cincinnati rallied behind the momentous decision – unfortunately, the results were underwhelming.  “We were so excited that we’d be able to buy our matzah meal and Yizkor candles along with our dog shampoo and As Seen On TV items,”Continue reading “Local Wal-Mart Opens Kosher Aisle, Features Matzah In July, Food That Isn’t Kosher”

Quiz: Does the El Al Stewardess Hate You or Is She Just Israeli?

You’re getting on the plane, dreading a 12 hour flight. How does the stewardess make you feel better? A. She looks you directly in the eyes with a look of pure disdain before quickly shifting her gaze to the person behind you. B. She looks you up and down with a judgemental look but saysContinue reading “Quiz: Does the El Al Stewardess Hate You or Is She Just Israeli?”

Carbon Dioxide Loses Hechsher, SodaStream Stocks Plummet

KEFAR SAVA, ISRAEL —  SodaStream International Ltd took a hit this week when the Orthodox Union reported that it will no longer certify carbon dioxide. The company spokesman Rabbi Ari Schwartzman held a press conference to explain the decision,  “It breaks my heart to inform you that Carbon Dioxide will no longer bear kosher certificationContinue reading “Carbon Dioxide Loses Hechsher, SodaStream Stocks Plummet”

Top 5 Kosher Restaurants in Midwest City

1. The Pizza Place  Everyone loves a good, old-fashioned, traditional Midwest-style pizza! This Kosher restaurant sells a variation of that, which has been described by locals as “edible,” and even “not bad!”  Wow! Get it while it’s hot! They also inexplicably sell sushi — pizza’s cousin from the far east.  2. The Meat Place ThisContinue reading “Top 5 Kosher Restaurants in Midwest City”