Finally: New BBYO Program Teaches Teens How To Be Followers

WASHINGTON D.C. — Leaders within the BBYO youth movement have recently announced plans for a new summer program called the International Followership Training Institute, which will take place at an assortment of JCC camps across the country.

In a press release on Sunday, BBYO’s Director of Teen Programming Evan Barkin wrote, “For almost 100 years, BBYO has been teaching young Jews leadership skills – but frankly, the standard has been set so high for today’s teens that they’ve all become obnoxious social climbers with an almost aggressive determination to be admired by their peers.

“That is why we will be offering IFTI; to show modern Jewish teenagers the value of being a follower. Society (and your college Hillel) have enough leaders, what the world needs is people who will mind their business and let someone else make the calls.”

In the days following the announcement, applications have poured into the BBYO headquarters from teenagers who hope to become inspired followers. “The idea,” Barkin said, “is to dilute the pool of successful Jewish leaders. You know, let the Illuminati get blamed for once. Maybe we’ll be a little more convincing when we say, ‘Jews don’t really control politics and the media!’”

Applicants like Rosalie Myers, a sophomore from Seattle who was among the first to register for IFTI, are already looking forward to the new program: “I think it’ll look really great on a college application, once I’ve learned to keep my ideas to myself. And in a few generations, when there are fewer Jews in politics and the media thanks to programs like IFTI, the world will probably be a more welcoming place to us.”

BBYO is now looking for counselors for the summer program. Barkin said, “Ideally, we’d like college students with lots of leadership experience that they realize in hindsight was a waste of time and won’t pass on to their campers.”

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