Suspicious: Man Becomes Religious Just In Time to Cover Growing Bald Spot With Kippah

CEDARHURST, NY — Local Cedarhurst resident, Randy Friedman, known around town for his large backyard tent, has recently begun shifting back to Orthodoxy according to the latest reports. The most prominent change for him thus far has been the donning of a yarmulke, which he started to wear as of last Tuesday. 

When questioned by some neighbors as to why he had begun wearing the skullcap, Friedman replied, “You can’t spell ‘personal growth’ without ‘God’. Well, I’m pretty sure, at least. Anyway, I’m hoping this helps me grow to be the man Hashem knows I can be.”

His relatives, however, are not convinced that his new headwear stemmed from a connection to God. “If he really cared about Judaism, he would have donated to my Jerusalem Marathon 5k campaign,” said his wife Rita. 

His mother, Temple Beth Shalom board member, Irene, said, “I’d believe it more if he didn’t spend all of Shabbat dinner in the bathroom, pretending to have stomach problems when he’s clearly on his phone playing Fruit Ninja.” 

At press time, Friedman was spotted wearing a large, white Nachman kippah, which would let everyone know he was holier than them — and hopefully stay on without clips.

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