Suspicious: Man Becomes Religious Just In Time to Cover Growing Bald Spot With Kippah

CEDARHURST, NY — Local Cedarhurst resident, Randy Friedman, known around town for his large backyard tent, has recently begun shifting back to Orthodoxy according to the latest reports. The most prominent change for him thus far has been the donning of a yarmulke, which he started to wear as of last Tuesday.  When questioned byContinue reading “Suspicious: Man Becomes Religious Just In Time to Cover Growing Bald Spot With Kippah”

Local Convert Disappointed He Can No Longer Cook Calf In Mother’s Milk

HOUSTON, TX — Ron Baker, newly converted member of the local Jewish community, was shocked on Wednesday when he discovered the thrice-iterated Biblical prohibition against cooking a kid goat in its mother’s milk.  “I know Judaism is all about restrictions,” Baker said. “But I never thought I’d have to give up boiling baby animals inContinue reading “Local Convert Disappointed He Can No Longer Cook Calf In Mother’s Milk”

Report: Pomegranate Only Has 612 Seeds This Year

LAWRENCE, NY — Yesterday, Shimmy Levi did what he does every year before Rosh Hashana; he counted the seeds in his pomegranate. But after an hour of sorting, Levi was shocked to discover the holy fruit only had 612 seeds.  The tradition began three years ago, when a friend speculated that there was no wayContinue reading “Report: Pomegranate Only Has 612 Seeds This Year”

Heartwarming: Nine Year Old Girl Inspires Community, Donates to Locks For Love

DALLAS, TX — Local hero, nine year old Annie Halpern, wasn’t looking for recognition on Sunday when she donated a nine-inch portion of her hair to the nonprofit charity Locks For Love, which provides hair prosthetics to sick children suffering from hair loss. Recognition, however, is exactly what she received.  Some have called the donation,Continue reading “Heartwarming: Nine Year Old Girl Inspires Community, Donates to Locks For Love”

5 Easy Purim Drinking Games to Make Your Mitzvah Fulfillment Lit AF

Purim is one of the best Jewish holidays for getting absolutely smashed – sure, we have four cups of wine on Pesach, but on this holy day we’re literally commanded to get blackout drunk. Here are some quick and efficient ways to take your holiday experience to the next level.  1. Take a shot forContinue reading “5 Easy Purim Drinking Games to Make Your Mitzvah Fulfillment Lit AF”