Breaking: Passover Basically Tomorrow

Yes, it’s technically still February, but if you aren’t already getting prepped for Passover, you’re in a whole mess of trouble.

Obviously I hope you had a nice Purim and Shabbat, but let’s be real—Purim was a million years ago, before we started Pesach-cleaning… oh, you haven’t started yet? Oh, honey. Oh no. Please don’t tell me you haven’t started Pesach cleaning! It’s February 27th for God’s sake! And you’re just getting around to it? You poor, sweet thing.

I hope you’ve gone shopping already, because the limited section in the grocery store that sells matzah is already sold out! You hadn’t heard? They started selling matzah around Chanukah, and the last box was sold last week. (Although I heard Tamara Spielberg got it, and I know her kids bought some boxes too. You didn’t hear it from me, but I know she’d sell you one of her spare boxes if you tell the Rabbi to go to her seder instead of yours.)

Are you doing a virtual seder? I hope not, because it’ll take you easily a month to explain to your parents how to join the Zoom call, even though they sort of did it last year. And I hate to break it to you, but you don’t have that kind of time anymore.

You know what? I’m sure it’s fine. As long as you’ve started making your desserts and prepping the meats. Which obviously you have, because you weren’t raised in a barn.

All this to say, Passover is basically tomorrow, and I’m sure everything will get done in due time, and you’ll have a lovely holiday with your loved ones. Oh… you can’t find any macaroons? Very well. We’re all screwed.

Feature image via Mikael Häggström, CC0, via Wikimedia Commons

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