After 40 Years of Wandering, Sinai Jews Disappointed to Discover Israel is Just More Desert

GILGAL, ISRAEL — After 40 years of Moses pumping up the land of Israel, the Jewish people were all disappointed to discover their promised holy homeland is just more fucking desert. “I don’t understand where those spies got that massive fruit from,” Israelite Jebediah Ben Eli said. “We don’t even have drip irrigation yet.”  OtherContinue reading “After 40 Years of Wandering, Sinai Jews Disappointed to Discover Israel is Just More Desert”

Bad News: Passover is Basically Tomorrow

Yes, it’s technically still February, but if you aren’t already getting prepped for Passover, you’re in a whole mess of trouble. Obviously I hope you had a nice Purim and Shabbat, but let’s be real—Purim was a million years ago, before we started Pesach-cleaning… oh, you haven’t started yet? Oh, honey. Oh no. Please don’tContinue reading “Bad News: Passover is Basically Tomorrow”