MorningStar Farms® Chik’n Nuggets Sales Spike Thanks To Vegan Kapparot

BROOKLYN, NY — In the week preceding Yom Kippur, MorningStar Farms® stock interests have skyrocketed. Explanations eluded leading economists, until Yonatan Glickman and his family were seen standing in their kitchen waving a bag of MorningStar Farms® Veggie Chik’n Nuggets around each of their heads as they completed the customary atonement ritual called Kapparot. 

The Glickman family, despite their loudspoken veganism, felt it was critical to honor the original tradition of swinging a chicken over their heads before the Day of Atonement. Historically, the ceremony has always been performed with live chickens that were slaughtered and given over to the poor afterwards. In the last few hundred years, people began to wave money over their heads in place of chickens to appear less insane to the outside world. 

“With 100% plant-based protein and 42% less fat than chicken nuggets, we knew that MorningStar Farms® nuggets would be an equally halachic, and even more ethical, way to show our commitment to repentance this year,” Glickman said.

“We wanted to do it the way our ancestors did, not this silly loophole with dollar bills – but my family has been vegan ever since we watched that documentary “Cowspiracy” seven years ago.” The Glickman family, well-known in their community for suing the local Jewish school regarding mandatory vaccination for students, feel strongly that veganism and Judaism are compatible values.

When asked if they would be supplying these dedicated customers with a lifetime supply of MorningStar Farms®, a representative said “What, are you kidding?! These guys just paid for my third pool. Haha, no, but on the record, no comment.”

Gady Munz Pikiwiki Israel, CC BY 2.5, via Wikimedia Commons with modifications

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