MorningStar Farms® Chik’n Nuggets Sales Spike Thanks To Vegan Kapparot

BROOKLYN, NY — In the week preceding Yom Kippur, MorningStar Farms® stock interests have skyrocketed. Explanations eluded leading economists, until Yonatan Glickman and his family were seen standing in their kitchen waving a bag of MorningStar Farms® Veggie Chik’n Nuggets around each of their heads as they completed the customary atonement ritual called Kapparot.  The GlickmanContinue reading “MorningStar Farms® Chik’n Nuggets Sales Spike Thanks To Vegan Kapparot”

Fashion Emergency: Entire Community Spotted Wearing White After Labor Day

LOS ANGELES, CA — At 8 p.m. on Wednesday, in a bombshell move that sent shockwaves throughout the California fashion scene, hundreds – if not thousands – of families were seen walking through the Pico-Robertson area wearing all white, merely a week and a half after labor day. Fashion critic Angelica Judd rushed to the sceneContinue reading “Fashion Emergency: Entire Community Spotted Wearing White After Labor Day”

I’m A Fish And I Don’t Want Your Sinful Bread

ATLANTIC OCEAN — Listen here, pal. I don’t care how worried you are this year about God smiting you with a vengeful heavenly fire or some ancient plague. Just because you decided this was the year you were going to eat dairy out doesn’t mean you have to throw all of that guilt on me. Continue reading “I’m A Fish And I Don’t Want Your Sinful Bread”

This Tzom Gedaliah, It’s Time To Reconsider Who Qualifies For A Fast Named After Them

So it’s the Fast of Gedaliah, right? And we’re just supposed to care about some bureaucrat from a million years ago that no one would have heard of if he hadn’t been killed? And not only do we have to care about him, but we have to fast in memory of his death? Why shouldContinue reading “This Tzom Gedaliah, It’s Time To Reconsider Who Qualifies For A Fast Named After Them”

Sephardim Say More Slichot Because They Sin More

Alright here’s the thing. For years Sefardim have been smug about having longer slichot than us Ashkenazi people. They think they’re better because their slichot lasts a full month, while ours is only two weeks.  But honestly, when you really think about it, why do they need so long? The whole point of slichot isContinue reading “Sephardim Say More Slichot Because They Sin More”

Top 9 Jewish Drinking Holidays

1. Tu Bishvat Oh yeah! Jewish Arbor Day, get ready to party! Everyone knows Tu Bishvat as the top drinking holiday on the Jewish calendar. Wine is technically a fruit if you think about it, so bottoms up! 2. All the Fast Days  We’re counting the fast days throughout the year as just one holiday,Continue reading “Top 9 Jewish Drinking Holidays”