yom kippur

Report: Etrog Just Gnarly Undercover Lemon

Man Swinging Chicken Over Head Participating In Completely Normal Religious Practice

Man At Yom Kippur Services Downing Listerine Strips Like There’s No Tomorrow

Report: MDMA Only Slightly Better Than Yom Kippur Cantor Saying “Let’s Skip Ahead A Few Pages”

Jewish Student Symbolically Emails Jewish Professor About Upcoming Jewish Holiday

Doubtful: Fifth Consecutive Man Thinks He’ll Be One To Correctly Blow Shofar

Opinion: Considering The Shit You’ve Done, You Might Want To Get A Head Start On Teshuva

MorningStar Farms® Chik’n Nuggets Sales Spike Thanks To Vegan Kapparot

BROOKLYN, NY — In the week preceding Yom Kippur, MorningStar Farms® stock interests have skyrocketed. Explanations eluded leading economists, until Yonatan Glickman and his family were seen standing in their kitchen waving a bag of MorningStar Farms® Veggie Chik’n Nuggets around each of their heads as they completed the customary atonement ritual called Kapparot. The GlickmanContinue reading “MorningStar Farms® Chik’n Nuggets Sales Spike Thanks To Vegan Kapparot”

Fashion Emergency: Entire Community Spotted Wearing White After Labor Day

LOS ANGELES, CA — At 8 p.m. on Wednesday, in a bombshell move that sent shockwaves throughout the California fashion scene, hundreds – if not thousands – of families were seen walking through the Pico-Robertson area wearing all white, merely a week and a half after labor day. Fashion critic Angelica Judd rushed to the sceneContinue reading “Fashion Emergency: Entire Community Spotted Wearing White After Labor Day”

Opinion: I’m A Fish And I Don’t Want Your Sinful Bread

ATLANTIC OCEAN — Listen here, pal. I don’t care how worried you are this year about God smiting you with a vengeful heavenly fire or some ancient plague. Just because you decided this was the year you were going to eat dairy out doesn’t mean you have to throw all of that guilt on me. Continue reading “Opinion: I’m A Fish And I Don’t Want Your Sinful Bread”