- How to read Rashi script
Let’s be real: I still don’t know the difference between some of those letters. Rashi script is the cursive of Hebrew, you spend years learning the font only to never use it again. Rashi didn’t even use the script so why should I?
- How to cheer during Color War
Sure “B L U E ALL THE WAY TO VICTORY” still slaps, but it’s not like my 9 to 5 office job is going to randomly go rogue and host a Color War. At least I’ll always remember how to spell blue.
- How to pretend to pray with kavana
It took me years to perfect the passionate Shmoneh Esrei vibe. On cue, I could tear up while reciting the Esa Einai psalm like my uncle is in the hospital and needs my prayers. But now that I’ve stopped being graded to connect with God, I don’t need all this knowledge about the best way to hold a siddur and tense my body so it looks like I’m having a super meaningful moment — or just like I really need to take a shit.
- How to find clothing that just barely fits the dress code
When you’ve been skirted more than once, you wise up when purchasing school clothing. But now I’m left with 11 black pencil skirts that are simultaneously close, but not too close to my knees that I’ll never wear again.
- How to convince a Hebrew teacher that watching an Israeli TV show will be more productive than learning
Aside from the fact that most of us watched Shira Haas before she was cool, all of that class time spent watching Shtisel did absolutely nothing to impact my life.