1. Rachel Zilbinger
Don’t let the sheitel fool you! Despite being an active member of the local Orthodox community, Rachel was reportedly seen enjoying fettuccine Alfredo and sipping from a glass of wine at Olive Garden last week after a particularly stressful PTA meeting. While we certainly can’t blame her for wanting to take the edge off, we’re pretty sure the brimstone fires of hell aren’t worth it.
2. Zach’s Mom
While Zach often leads morning prayer services and seems to be pretty into the whole Jewish thing overall, we heard that his mom was spotted ordering the vegetarian option at a non-Kosher Chinese place on Christmas. Zach’s mom is pretty nice and she made us cookies once when we came over to play PS4, so hopefully her damnation won’t be eternal.
3. The Virgin Mary
We aren’t trying to get controversial here, but yeah, turns out the Blessed Virgin Mary wasn’t so innocent after all. The real nativity story is that Joe and Mary couldn’t get a table at a Kosher restaurant so they went to a fast food place and bought food that — while it didn’t contain pork — definitely wasn’t hekshered. Anyway, we’re just saying it’s no wonder their kid went so far off the derech.
4. Basya Fishman
Rumors have been swirling that Basya was seen leaving a Subway restaurant on her way up to the Catskills. While she insists to the press that she just went in to use the bathroom, we aren’t convinced.
5. The Rebbetzin
You bet your bottom you’re reading that right. We all know how high and mighty the rebbetzin can act, but what you didn’t know was that she wasn’t raised religious and ate out dairy until she was 17. Don’t be fooled by her holier-than-thou act, we’ll still hold it against her.