Breaking: Jewish Day Schools Just Hiring Strangers At El-Al Arrival Gate As Hebrew Teachers

QUEENS, NY — Following staffing shortages at Ramaz Upper School, the principal, Mr. Joshua Adelman, was seen Monday in John F. Kennedy International Airport Terminal 4 searching for potential Hebrew teachers arriving from an El-Al flight.

“We’re looking for anyone that can speak the language, basically,” Adelman told reporters while hiding behind a large fern with a pair of binoculars. “The trick is to find someone with a name like Orly, Meirav, or Hadas. This is a bit of an industry secret, but they don’t need to have any experience teaching Hebrew as long as they have extremely shrill voices and a deep hatred for children.”

Adelmen reportedly hired a woman named Ronit, who recently left her job as a camelback riding instructor, within mere minutes of meeting her.

“Emm… it is – how you say? Great, em, opportunity to live the American dream. I just came to visit my cousin Moshe but I now will be stay here,” said Ronit, who learned English from watching Friends reruns. 

At press time, sources confirmed that Adelman was seen scouring mall kiosks selling Dead Sea mud products, hoping to score again.

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