Man Still Can’t Smell Bisamim Post-Delta Variant, Trapped In Never-Ending Shabbat

LAKEWOOD, NJ — The first Saturday night after his miraculous recovery from Covid-19, community member David Grossman realized he was unable to smell besamim – unfortunately, that’s only where the problem began.  “If I can’t smell the cloves, I haven’t made a division between the holy and the ordinary,” stated Grossman to the press, afterContinue reading “Man Still Can’t Smell Bisamim Post-Delta Variant, Trapped In Never-Ending Shabbat”

Recently Uncovered Challah Embarrassed To Find Out Bracha Made On Wine First

NEW ROCHELLE, NY — Despite the usage of an embroidered silk cover, a humiliated loaf of challah discovered last Saturday that before the HaMotzi blessing, a blessing had already been made on a cup of wine.  “I’ve always been told you’re supposed to make a bracha on bread first,” said the sobbing and lightly-toasted pretzelContinue reading “Recently Uncovered Challah Embarrassed To Find Out Bracha Made On Wine First”

5 Manischewitz Cocktails To Make Havdalah Havda-lit

Hosting havdalah can be absolutely nerve-wracking. Preparing food and drinks is one thing, not to mention the inevitable judgement that comes with being in any group of Jews – but worry no more! Here are 5 Manischewitz cocktails that will impress even the pickiest of drinkers! Jello Shots: You can’t go wrong with a partyContinue reading “5 Manischewitz Cocktails To Make Havdalah Havda-lit”

Report: Tzedakah Box At Kosher Restaurant Has Not Been Emptied For Full Decade

CROWN HEIGHTS, NY — Sources confirmed on Monday that the tzedakah box on the counter of BBQ Mo’s Kosher Beefhouse has not been emptied since the restaurant’s inception 10 years ago.  “Oh, that thing?” said BBQ Mo’s manager Avraham Singer. “To be honest, I never really noticed we had that.”  Other employees reported similar indifference.Continue reading “Report: Tzedakah Box At Kosher Restaurant Has Not Been Emptied For Full Decade”

Sephardim Say More Slichot Because They Sin More

Alright here’s the thing. For years Sefardim have been smug about having longer slichot than us Ashkenazi people. They think they’re better because their slichot lasts a full month, while ours is only two weeks.  But honestly, when you really think about it, why do they need so long? The whole point of slichot isContinue reading “Sephardim Say More Slichot Because They Sin More”