WALTHAM, MA — On the heels of an especially booze-soaked Purim, Manischewitz has announced the production of their own brand of hard seltzer in an attempt to liven up Hillel events.
“It’s two of the world’s most popular types of alcohol combined into one great drink!” said Manischewitz representative, Chana Gould. “It’s the perfect drink for unexpected Torah study at what was supposed to be a fun Shabbat dinner.”
Manischewitz is marketing their new product as a more respectful alternative to sneaking a flask into services. However, many students have expressed a lack of desire to associate with the product at all.
“Yeah, I don’t know why they made this. It tastes worse than regular Manischewitz and somehow has a lower alcohol content,” said Jacob Kahan, active member of his Hillel community. “At that point, you might as well drink Bartenura Moscato.”
At press time, Manischewitz announced that a collaboration with Fireball was in the works.