Uh Oh: Yedid Nefesh Off to Slow Start, Forecast Bleak for Rest of Kabbalat Shabbat

TEANECK, NJ — A drawn-out “Yedid Nefesh” was heard Friday at sunset in Young Israel of Teaneck, leading to bleak predictions for when services would finally end. Murmurs were heard around the synagogue as members filled with regret that seventy-two-year-old Isaac Rosenberg was allowed to lead Kabbalat Shabbat services for the third time this year. 

“He has a nice voice and all, don’t get me wrong, but how long is he going to stretch out Kaddish with those stupid bum-bum-bums?,” said Shmuel Rosenberg, Isaac’s son. “I’m starving here and he’s choosing the longest tunes every time. Hey Dad! Hurry the hell up or you can walk home alone!”

Congregants expressed additional dismay about Rabbi Finkleman’s upcoming speech. “He sees us dying over here and you just know he’s going to stand up and talk for an hour about the Covid again,” remarked Zev Marguiles, who regularly threatens to start a new synagogue without a mask mandate. 

At press time, Rabbi Finkleman started drinking from a concealed flask as Mr. Rosenberg began singing Lecha Dodi to the tune of Yerushalayim Shel Zahav. 

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