Jews Win War On Christmas

NORTH POLE, ARCTIC OCEAN — Following a decisive military victory on Thursday the 23rd with the capture of Santa Claus, Jewish communities across the country are celebrating their triumph as they warmly welcome back veterans of the War on Christmas. After years of armed struggles, from the infamous Starbucks front to the dreadful Twitter tactics,Continue reading “Jews Win War On Christmas”

Ego Check: 8 Wars The Jews Didn’t Win

Hanukkah is all about celebrating the Jews beating the Greeks, the underdog rising up against the powerful enemy, light conquering darkness. Jews around the world gather and light candles in their windows for all the neighbors to see because we have allowed ourselves the disillusion that we can trust our goyishe neighbors not to turnContinue reading “Ego Check: 8 Wars The Jews Didn’t Win”

Man Decides to Go All Out for Holidays, Wears Menorah Socks

San Francisco, CA — Local accountant and office goofball Jesse Orenstein wowed coworkers this week by showing up to the office wearing festively decorated menorah socks on the first day of Hanukkah. The socks in question were dark blue, with small light blue menorahs stitched onto them. A closer examination revealed numbers on each littleContinue reading “Man Decides to Go All Out for Holidays, Wears Menorah Socks”

I Promise There isn’t Chametz in my Internet History so you Definitely don’t have to Look There

As you start to search high and low for chametz in your houses, I understand that you’ll need to check under every couch cushion and between every fold in every sweater, but I promise you that there is no chametz in my browser history, so it’s honestly just not even worth looking there. I knowContinue reading “I Promise There isn’t Chametz in my Internet History so you Definitely don’t have to Look There”