Tag Archives: candle

Ego Check: 8 Wars The Jews Didn’t Win

Hanukkah is all about celebrating the Jews beating the Greeks, the underdog rising up against the powerful enemy, light conquering darkness. Jews around the world gather and light candles in their windows for all the neighbors to see because we have allowed ourselves the disillusion that we can trust our goyishe neighbors not to turnContinue reading “Ego Check: 8 Wars The Jews Didn’t Win”

Man Decides to Go All Out for Holidays, Wears Menorah Socks

San Francisco, CA — Local accountant and office goofball Jesse Orenstein wowed coworkers this week by showing up to the office wearing festively decorated menorah socks on the first day of Hanukkah. The socks in question were dark blue, with small light blue menorahs stitched onto them. A closer examination revealed numbers on each littleContinue reading “Man Decides to Go All Out for Holidays, Wears Menorah Socks”

Man Still Can’t Smell Bisamim Post-Delta Variant, Trapped In Never-Ending Shabbat

LAKEWOOD, NJ — The first Saturday night after his miraculous recovery from Covid-19, community member David Grossman realized he was unable to smell besamim – unfortunately, that’s only where the problem began.  “If I can’t smell the cloves, I haven’t made a division between the holy and the ordinary,” stated Grossman to the press, afterContinue reading “Man Still Can’t Smell Bisamim Post-Delta Variant, Trapped In Never-Ending Shabbat”

Admissions Scandal: 8 Separate Ramah Campers Claim They Led Final Camp Havdalah in Admission Essays

WALTHAM, MA — In a shocking breaking story, eight Brandeis applicants referred to the same “final camp Havdalah” in their application essays, all claiming to have led the service. Names of the applicants have not been released, although rumors are spreading that at least 7 of them were in the same Gesher bunk at CampContinue reading “Admissions Scandal: 8 Separate Ramah Campers Claim They Led Final Camp Havdalah in Admission Essays”