moses

Awkward: I’ve Been Avoiding this Guy Since Our Souls Met at Har Sinai

I can’t tell you how uncomfortable it is to walk into a Starbucks on the Upper West Side and come face to face with the guy I’ve literally been avoiding since our souls met at Har Sinai. I mean, out of all of the Jewish people from every single generation since the inception of ourContinue reading “Awkward: I’ve Been Avoiding this Guy Since Our Souls Met at Har Sinai”

FOOD FALLING FROM FUCKING SKY

THE DESERT, SINAI — In what is being hailed as a large-scale upending of the food service industry, reports are streaming out of the Sinai Desert that food is falling out of the fucking sky. Witnesses claim that approximately 10,000 pounds of a clear food substance called manna plummeted out of the goddamn sky atContinue reading “FOOD FALLING FROM FUCKING SKY”

SHOCKING: Bar Mitzvah Speech Makes Sense?

PORTLAND, OR — Congregants at Temple Or Shalom were shocked this morning when bar mitzvah boy Daniel Haber’s speech was both coherent and interesting. Earlier that morning, the 13-year-old Daniel stumbled through his maftir and haftorah readings, which were barely audible to the friends and family who had traveled from around the country to beContinue reading “SHOCKING: Bar Mitzvah Speech Makes Sense?”