Tag Archives: speech

5 Bar/Bat Mitzvah Projects That Are Way Cooler Than Raising Money For Some Stupid Charity

We’ve all been to a Bar or Bat Mitzvah where the kid does a project that aims to better their community – and let us be the first to say, big whoop. Oh, cool, you collected food for a food bank! Wow, you raised money for a children’s hospital, how original! If you really wantContinue reading “5 Bar/Bat Mitzvah Projects That Are Way Cooler Than Raising Money For Some Stupid Charity”

Brawl Erupts in Mad Dash for Mini Hot Dogs at Bar Mitzvah Kiddush

HOLLYWOOD, FL — In a tragic turn of events, six Young Israel congregants were hospitalized in critical condition this week, all harmed in the same fistfight that broke out next to the mini hot dogs at Jakey Schultz’s bar mitzvah kiddish.  “At first I felt bad throwing punches at guys I’ve prayed next to forContinue reading “Brawl Erupts in Mad Dash for Mini Hot Dogs at Bar Mitzvah Kiddush”

Only Eating Into Own Free Time: USY Participants Unaware Their Friends Worked Really Hard To Plan Program For Them

ATLANTA, GA – Local USY Director Andrew Zeff has had his hand raised for over 7 minutes now, waiting for high school youth group participants to quiet down and allow the two convention coordinators to continue with the program they had planned. “It should not have to take this long,” said Zeff to the 184Continue reading “Only Eating Into Own Free Time: USY Participants Unaware Their Friends Worked Really Hard To Plan Program For Them”

Local Non-Jew Opens Sunkist Fruit Gem Before the Bat Mitzvah Kid is Done With Maftir, Disrupts Entire Service

CHARLOTTE, VA — Just as Mikayla Wasserman, age 13, began to chant the maftir portion at her bat mitzvah, she was interrupted by a sound from the far back corner of the sanctuary. At 11:46 on Saturday morning at Congregation Beth Shalom, Nick Thomsen, Mikayla’s piano teacher, was opening a Sunkist fruit gem, which heContinue reading “Local Non-Jew Opens Sunkist Fruit Gem Before the Bat Mitzvah Kid is Done With Maftir, Disrupts Entire Service”

SHOCKING: Bar Mitzvah Speech Makes Sense?

PORTLAND, OR — Congregants at Temple Or Shalom were shocked this morning when bar mitzvah boy Daniel Haber’s speech was both coherent and interesting. Earlier that morning, the 13-year-old Daniel stumbled through his maftir and haftorah readings, which were barely audible to the friends and family who had traveled from around the country to beContinue reading “SHOCKING: Bar Mitzvah Speech Makes Sense?”