Frustrated Gabai’s Hand Signals Doing Most Of Work For Underprepared Bar Mitzvah Boy

CLEVELAND, OH — Despite the best efforts of Gabai Steve Ben-Yosef’s fervent hand signals, it was clear to everyone attending young Benny Haim’s Bar Mitzvah at Temple Beth Am this past weekend that Haim was underprepared to read his Torah portion.  “After the runt stuttered and blubbered his way through the second Aliyah, I knewContinue reading “Frustrated Gabai’s Hand Signals Doing Most Of Work For Underprepared Bar Mitzvah Boy”

Ten Ways to Let That Saucy Boy Across the Bar Know That You’d Let Him Wreck You 24 Hours a Day Except for on Shabbos

Ways to subtly (or not so subtly) let that cute ass boy across the bar that you are down to get straight up weird with him any day of the week, save for Friday night and Saturday until sundown. 1. Strut Your (Hebrew) Stuff The most obvious way to let a cute guy know thatContinue reading “Ten Ways to Let That Saucy Boy Across the Bar Know That You’d Let Him Wreck You 24 Hours a Day Except for on Shabbos”

5 Easy Purim Drinking Games to Make Your Mitzvah Fulfillment Lit AF

Purim is one of the best Jewish holidays for getting absolutely smashed – sure, we have four cups of wine on Pesach, but on this holy day we’re literally commanded to get blackout drunk. Here are some quick and efficient ways to take your holiday experience to the next level.  1. Take a shot forContinue reading “5 Easy Purim Drinking Games to Make Your Mitzvah Fulfillment Lit AF”

Chabad Rabbi Shoots Heroin Until Unable to Tell Difference Between Haman and Mordechai

WILLIAMSBURG, NY — Rabbi Dov “Wild Bear” Scharf took an unconventional approach to his Purim partying this year. In accordance with Halacha, on Purim one is commanded to become inebriated until unable to tell the difference between the two main characters of the Purim story – however, instead of bringing alcohol, this year Rabbi ScharfContinue reading “Chabad Rabbi Shoots Heroin Until Unable to Tell Difference Between Haman and Mordechai”

Bar Mitzvah Theme Makes Area Kid Seem Way More into Basketball than He Really Is

MIAMI, FL — When guests walked past the life-size cutout of LeBron James welcoming them to “Ryan’s Home Court” at the Hilton last Saturday night for Ryan Glazer’s bar mitzvah party, then passed under an arch made of basketball balloons and into a ballroom full of tables with centerpieces made of light up hoops whoseContinue reading “Bar Mitzvah Theme Makes Area Kid Seem Way More into Basketball than He Really Is”