Frustrated Gabai’s Hand Signals Doing Most Of Work For Underprepared Bar Mitzvah Boy

CLEVELAND, OH — Despite the best efforts of Gabai Steve Ben-Yosef’s fervent hand signals, it was clear to everyone attending young Benny Haim’s Bar Mitzvah at Temple Beth Am this past weekend that Haim was underprepared to read his Torah portion.  “After the runt stuttered and blubbered his way through the second Aliyah, I knewContinue reading “Frustrated Gabai’s Hand Signals Doing Most Of Work For Underprepared Bar Mitzvah Boy”

Bar Mitzvah Theme Makes Area Kid Seem Way More into Basketball than He Really Is

MIAMI, FL — When guests walked past the life-size cutout of LeBron James welcoming them to “Ryan’s Home Court” at the Hilton last Saturday night for Ryan Glazer’s bar mitzvah party, then passed under an arch made of basketball balloons and into a ballroom full of tables with centerpieces made of light up hoops whoseContinue reading “Bar Mitzvah Theme Makes Area Kid Seem Way More into Basketball than He Really Is”

Local Non-Jew Opens Sunkist Fruit Gem Before the Bat Mitzvah Kid is Done With Maftir, Disrupts Entire Service

CHARLOTTE, VA — Just as Mikayla Wasserman, age 13, began to chant the maftir portion at her bat mitzvah, she was interrupted by a sound from the far back corner of the sanctuary. At 11:46 on Saturday morning at Congregation Beth Shalom, Nick Thomsen, Mikayla’s piano teacher, was opening a Sunkist fruit gem, which heContinue reading “Local Non-Jew Opens Sunkist Fruit Gem Before the Bat Mitzvah Kid is Done With Maftir, Disrupts Entire Service”

SHOCKING: Bar Mitzvah Speech Makes Sense?

PORTLAND, OR — Congregants at Temple Or Shalom were shocked this morning when bar mitzvah boy Daniel Haber’s speech was both coherent and interesting. Earlier that morning, the 13-year-old Daniel stumbled through his maftir and haftorah readings, which were barely audible to the friends and family who had traveled from around the country to beContinue reading “SHOCKING: Bar Mitzvah Speech Makes Sense?”