Tag Archives: jews

Miracle Baby Born Without IBS

NEW YORK CITY, NY — Nothing short of a miracle took place at Manhattan’s Mount Sinai Hospital last night, where Melissa and Zev Pressman gave birth to an inexplicably IBS-free baby boy. The child appears to have been born without the rare intestinal disorder that causes abdominal pain and difficult bowel movements, common to JewsContinue reading “Miracle Baby Born Without IBS”

After 40 Years of Wandering, Sinai Jews Disappointed to Discover Israel is Just More Desert

GILGAL, ISRAEL — After 40 years of Moses pumping up the land of Israel, the Jewish people were all disappointed to discover their promised holy homeland is just more fucking desert. “I don’t understand where those spies got that massive fruit from,” Israelite Jebediah Ben Eli said. “We don’t even have drip irrigation yet.”  OtherContinue reading “After 40 Years of Wandering, Sinai Jews Disappointed to Discover Israel is Just More Desert”

Ranking Non-Jewish Celebrities by How Jewish they Are

Have you ever looked at a celebrity and thought “man, they have to be Jewish” – only to be disappointed when you check their Wikipedia page? Us too! Which is why we’ve compiled our top ten favorite fake-out goys! These are The Schmear’s official rankings of non-Jewish celebrities based on how Jewish they are. 10.Continue reading “Ranking Non-Jewish Celebrities by How Jewish they Are”